Don't go with the flow
Once upon a time there was this local metal band where I grew up and me and my friends went to every single show they played for the longest time.
We got their demo CD from the music store they would eventually play their first show at; burned at their apartment, complete with that HP LightScribe art on the front of it. But it was like finding the holy grail for us back then. So naturally we couldn't turn down seeing them play live for the first time ever.
I think they had four original songs and they played a couple covers of cheesy 80s metal stuff... their music was fucking awesome though. Teenage me was definitely a metalhead. They're who inspired me to start playing bass and, eventually, move to the guitar. I've been playing ever since. I still play some of their riffs whenever I pick up a bass.
After they'd been around for a couple years, they were doing a show at a bigger venue where some big highfalutin record executive came to hear them play, but their frontman was absolutely shitfaced and he blew it spectacularly.
Worst fucking show I'd ever seen them play; I felt secondhand embarrassment for them.
After that, it felt like their only goal going forward was to do everything they could to get famous.
They scrapped most of the original songs and ruined the ones they kept for their first studio album. All the soul and quirks that made a generation of local metalheads fall in love with them was gone.
They re-recorded some old stuff and overproduced it to the point where it sounded like the most generic dad rock some local FM station circa 2010 had to offer.
And I'm not talking shit; they're still insanely talented musicians, but they focused so much on trying to make it big that they burned down everything that made them unique.
The original tracks they played for the first year or so had plenty of flaws, some were a little cheesy at times and they had their quirks, for sure. But that's what I loved. So what if the most iconic fill their drummer did back then was all snare? It was everyone's favorite part of the song when it was played live; it was like an audible landmark that was instantly recognizable, and it fucking slapped.
In the studio version, they replaced the simple, memorable stuff with more complex fills and solos just for the sake of being complex, and it sounded... not really bad but just soulless. They absolutely nailed the generic radio sound, but no one actually listens to that for anything other than background noise.
I've been thinking about them a lot lately...
They've been broken up for years now, and the only music of theirs you can find anywhere online is just that generic radio rock album they recorded right before they went their separate ways. They deleted every upload of anything before that record, and they never really got the same amount of plays or any of the recognition they had back when they were more raw and playing shows because they loved doing it.
It's a good metaphor for anyone who creates things for the love of the game rather than trying to go viral. For me, that's blogging. Or even just writing in general.
You see guys like Kottke and it's like holy shit... it's possible to make a killing just by doing something you love. If you stick with it, you're sure to blow up in popularity eventually and then you can sit back, make a few relevant posts a day and collect ad revenue, get huge payouts from sponsored posts every few weeks...
It starts to feel like you have all the tools for this get rich quick eventually scheme.
You stop writing about the things that truly interest you, as boring as they may be to the average person, and you start chasing trends and trying to be the first person to break some news, or the first person to coin a new word, or the first to sell a proprietary idea or philosophy.
Looking back, I wish I would've preserved my old blog before I took some time off and eventually started this one. Some of my posts were absolute cringe, but each one meant something to me at the time of writing it. Even in the last couple of weeks there have been things I've spent all day writing only to delete a few hours after posting because I didn't like it the 20th time I re-read it and overanalyzed the shit out of it.
I've gotta keep this in mind with the music I write too. I've always had stage fright, so I rarely ever play anything in front of people. But I've written so many songs that mean so much to me personally, there's always going to be someone who enjoys it.
Look at Pat the Bunny or Days N Daze. Any folk punk or other DIY bands for that matter. They're intentionally rough around the edges and sound like nails on a chalkboard to a lot of people, but the ones who get it fucking love it and cherish it.
I need to get better about not caring what people I don't even know think about something I say or a song I wrote. I don't care how weird or different you are, there are always going to be people who get you and love you for who you are and what you do. And no matter how perfect you are to the mainstream point of view, there will always be people who hate you and think you're a tool. And all sorts of other people in between.
I'm not trying to come across as some kind of cheesy self help guru; I know it's easier said than done. You can't just snap your fingers and suddenly have the confidence of a Fortune 500 CEO. But it's worth a shot.
Do what you love. Create and try not to care who's watching or listening. It might mean everything to someone, even if it's just you.