I’ve always identified as he/they.

I wouldn’t consider myself non-binary, aside from mostly picking outfits that are gender neutral. I like Chuck Taylors and cardigans, but that’s about as wild as I get.

Sometimes I feel impostor syndrome about it. I look pretty masculine I guess. I have a beard and short hair. My job doesn’t allow me to dye it any wild colors or anything, but I used to love a hack and slash DIY punk cut with clearly bottom-shelf, so-blonde-it’s-orange box dye.

For the last few years though, I’ve had to wear dress clothes, keep a clean professional haircut, and I started growing out my beard to feel whatever sense of individuality I can in these generic oxford shirts and khakis.

I say I have to; in order to survive within this particular lifestyle I’ve grown accustom to, I have to drive an hour to work everyday and I have to be there for ten hours before I drive an hour back home. I’m gone at least 12 hours a day, so that’s what’s become my style; the department store dress clothes I have to wear to this fucking job.

But this post isn’t a rant about my job, or how much you have to work to barely scrape by in America. That’s a whole other story.

This is about identity 🌈

When it comes to sexuality, that’s easy. I’m bisexual. Actually, technically, I’m pansexual. But I like the bi flag colors better and it’s easier to explain.

That’s kinda fucked up though, isn’t it? I’m attracted to all genders. I’ve been in a committed relationship with a cis woman for a long time, but I’ve been with butch chicks, femboys, bears, trans girls, non-binary people… but it’s easier to just say I’m bisexual because that’s something everyone can at least grasp.

Everything about my sexuality always gets stuffed into simplified, binary boxes. Maybe I’m doing that to myself by claiming bi instead of pan. But gender — actually life in general isn’t so black and white.

There’s a part of me that feels like cis people are just too conservative. Like anyone who identifies as cis and is, totally, definitely, 100% straight just isn’t adventurous enough.

I’m like the polar opposite of the bigot who says that lesbian over there “just hasn’t found the right man!"

I really do think it’s the opposite though. What do you have to lose by exploring your sexuality? You don’t feel as tough in front of your buddy who drives a jacked up F-250 and calls you a pussy when you don’t wanna shotgun a PBR on a Tuesday night?

Maybe I’m being just as irrational as every conservative Christian driving around in a Ford Raptor with a heroic pinch of Kodiak Wintergreen in his lip and a low-carb Monster in hand, but I think everyone’s a little gay, deep down.

Really though, I just said that to make you uncomfortable. If it worked, you’re probably a little gay.

Sexuality is as much of a spectrum as gender. Modern gender roles are nothing more than arbitrary traditions and social constructs, and I think that’s gross, mostly.

In all honesty, I know some people really are just as cis as it gets. I’m not being snarky or talking shit at all; most people really are just straight and cis. Most people just fit in. But you never know for sure until you get a little more adventurous, you know?

At the very least, stop giving a fuck about how people identify.

It’s okay to identify as cis, or trans or anywhere in between. You don’t owe anyone anything. You can be trans without being a supermodel and you can be gay without looking like Ryan Seacrest. You can be queer on your own terms.

I could easily pass as some straight man’s man, but why in the fuck would I ever want that?

Gender is more nuanced than that. I don’t feel ashamed about having both feminine and masculine traits. I might look like a straight guy, but I’ll gladly choose hanging out and crying over a chick flick any day of the week over watching college football.

You’ll catch me at a Super Bowl party in the kitchen, drinking wine with the girls before you’ll ever see me in the garage eating pork rinds and playing virtual golf with the bros.